Wednesday, August 26, 2009 '

Day 0826: Two 15s_/_Diaharan=Effective..._Somewhat.

Accessing File: Two 15s_/_Diaharan=Effective..._Somewhat..mfv

Happy birthday to two of my friends, and classmates. Enjoy your time of being 15, reveil in the moment, and don't despair like I have/am.

It's tough when I think back.

Memories, visions, whatever of those days of solitude...loneliness, having hardly anyone to depend on... Maybe I wanted that, but it felt terrible. Cause truth be told...those few days were hell on Earth. No one to smile to. No one to cry to. No one to argue with. No one to listen.

For those with friends, I'm truly envious of you all. I look around everyday and see large groups in the canteen everyday. Sure, you may see me at the table with others, but it's only because I force myself into their group. I don't belong. I'm so desperate, I just push myself in to fit in.

And of course...I have to thank both of you. You may not know it, but in two different instances, you have both helped me ignite something within me. Like a drive to push myself on. It was a subtle thing you did for me, but subtle things have a big effect. Truly, thank you.

I finally pull of this layer of lies to release the guilt accumulated over the months. I don't know whether it's what I think it is, but whenever I think of those moments, anger, fear, loneliness in their masses, I feel something just numbing my body and escaping from me.

Is it...truly Him relieving me of my burden?

If it is, why do I suddenly feel sad?

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Accessing File: Two 15s_/_Diaharan=Effective..._Somewhat..emf

You'd think me rude,
But I'd just stand and stare.


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