Recordings of a trapped soul.

Friday, August 28, 2009 '

Day 0828: Your_Departure

Accessing File: Your_Departure.mfv

Well, it's your final day at TK. How does it feel?

Y'know what? Don't answer that.

Let's admit something here. Though I've only known you for 3 quarts of a year, I think it was great having you as a classmate, and having you as a friend.

I don't remember how we first interacted, but since then, it's been great, to say the least. It was a wonderful feeling having someone to talk to in front of me for once. You'd never know how much I'd longed for that.

Thanks for your jokes and "insults" that manages to brighten me up for a day.
Thanks for the encouragement, even though you obviously need it more.
Thanks for helping me when I needed it.
Thanks for being a friend.

Hm. I wonder how it'll be like having class with no one in front of me, unless your 'will' is really true.

Thanks, dude. I really owe you one for boosting my self-esteem up.

3A will never be as awesome, or funny, or crazy without you. Unless everyone goes 110% as nuts, but what are the freaking odds, eh?

Looking forward to the day ahead... Even if I have to kill myself to enjoy it.

[Connection Terminated]

_

scriptcommand/searchquery=.mfv_

Commencing..._

Memory Files Preserved at... 10:45 PM

Wednesday, August 26, 2009 '

Day 0826: Two 15s_/_Diaharan=Effective..._Somewhat.

Accessing File: Two 15s_/_Diaharan=Effective..._Somewhat..mfv

Happy birthday to two of my friends, and classmates. Enjoy your time of being 15, reveil in the moment, and don't despair like I have/am.

It's tough when I think back.

Memories, visions, whatever of those days of solitude...loneliness, having hardly anyone to depend on... Maybe I wanted that, but it felt terrible. Cause truth be told...those few days were hell on Earth. No one to smile to. No one to cry to. No one to argue with. No one to listen.

For those with friends, I'm truly envious of you all. I look around everyday and see large groups in the canteen everyday. Sure, you may see me at the table with others, but it's only because I force myself into their group. I don't belong. I'm so desperate, I just push myself in to fit in.

And of course...I have to thank both of you. You may not know it, but in two different instances, you have both helped me ignite something within me. Like a drive to push myself on. It was a subtle thing you did for me, but subtle things have a big effect. Truly, thank you.

I finally pull of this layer of lies to release the guilt accumulated over the months. I don't know whether it's what I think it is, but whenever I think of those moments, anger, fear, loneliness in their masses, I feel something just numbing my body and escaping from me.

Is it...truly Him relieving me of my burden?

If it is, why do I suddenly feel sad?

[Connection Terminated]

---------------

Accessing File: Two 15s_/_Diaharan=Effective..._Somewhat..emf

You'd think me rude,
But I'd just stand and stare.

--File Corrupted--

_

scriptcommand/searchquery=.mfv_

Commencing..._

Memory Files Preserved at... 10:13 PM

Tuesday, August 25, 2009 '

Day 0825: Regret_/_Remorse_/_Retry

Accessing File: Regret_/_Remorse_/_Retry.mfv

...I really don't know what to do, feel, anymore.

Friends seem to go out more than come in nowadays.

The world is shutting in on me, and all I'm left with is this 50 centimeter cubed room.

Where was the times that once were?

With the world, so goes my joyous self, my happiness, my sense of belonging; that's just a simple mask I don from day to day.

Cause I feel like I can't trust anyone anymore...

Help.

Please.

[Connection Terminated]

---------------

Accessing File: Regret_/_Remorse_/_Retry.emf

I'm falling down
It's getting dark
I'm not scared
Not at all

Hear the crumbling sound?
Well then, good night

I can't see
I can't see
I can't hear
I can't feel
I'm disappearing

Hear the crumbling sound?
Nothing left here
Well then, good night

A faint sound I hear was...
Your regret?

--File Corrupted--

_

scriptcommand/searchquery=.mfv_

Commencing..._

Memory Files Preserved at... 8:25 PM

Friday, August 14, 2009 '

Day 0814: 0_Days_/_15_Years

Accessing File: 0_Days_/_15_Years.mfv

I hit the 15th milestone in my life today. It was a great day to be alive. I sincerely love everyone who wished me a Happy Birthday....because I just do.

List, hopefully in chronological order:

-Clarence
-Yong
-Dad
-Vanessa
-Liang Yi
-Marcus
-Esther
-Eric
-Pannawit
-Nicholas
-Nadira
-Judith
-Mom
-Ben Cheng
-Hui Xian
-Jasmine
-Ai Jing
-Daniel
-Chuw Teck Wee
-Jeanette
-Wayne
-Amanda Tay
-William
-Glen
-Phoebe
-Samuel
-Clarissa
-Daniel
-Kei Kiu
-Delcine

You guys are awesome...some of my closest friends. I may not show it, but I always had this place in me for those friends...

You guys belong in that part...

[Connection Terminated]

Memory Files Preserved at... 9:43 PM

Tuesday, August 11, 2009 '

Day 0811: 3_Days_/_Relapse

Accessing File: 3_Days_/_Relapse.mfv

I've been listening to Eminem's newest song lately...

Though he is quite free with his vulgarities, the lyrics in his songs are REALLY deep.

He's also a Born-Again Christian, which is cool. He's really been blessed by God with the talent of encouraging others through his songs...

Thanks...

[Connection Terminated]

Accessing File: 3_Days_/_Relapse.emf

In my shoes, just to see,
What it's like, to be me,
I'll be you, let's trade shoes,
Just to see what it'd be like to
Feel your pain, you feel mine,
Go inside each other's minds,
Just to see what we find,
Look at shit through each other's eyes.

So don't let 'em say you ain't beautiful...
They can all get ******, just stay true to you,
So don't let 'em say you ain't beautiful...
They can all get ******, just stay true to you.

--File Corrupted--

_

scriptcommand/searchquery=.mfv_

Commencing..._

Memory Files Preserved at... 10:14 PM

Monday, August 10, 2009 '

Day 0810: 4_Days_/_Support_Skill:_Emotional

Accessing File: 4_Days_/_Support_Skill:_Moral.mfv

It's really true...

People don't know how much they've affected someone unless it's been made clear to themselves...

Just like the three of you.

Thanks, truly.

[Connection Terminated]

_

scriptcommand/searchquery=.mfv_

Commencing..._

Memory Files Preserved at... 10:20 PM

Day 0809: 5_Days_/_NDP:_Natural_Delight_in_Progress

Accessing File: 5_Days_/_NDP:_Natural_Delight_in_Progress.mfv

It's worth thanking all of you for the past few days. They were awesome.

It's a far wish to wish for all the days to be similar...

[Connection Terminated]

_

_scriptcommand/searchquery=.mfv_

Commencing..._

Memory Files Preserved at... 12:20 AM

Friday, August 7, 2009 '

Day 0807: 7_Days_/_The_Light_Through_The_Shadow

Accessing File:7_Days_/_The_Light_Through_The_Shadow.mfv_

I don't know how to express my thanks to the 3 people that made me feel special today.

Let's deal with the first things.

NDP in the morn. At first, it was crap. Until the Finale; I felt the hype then. It's incredible how a school can get in a spirit when the UGs start going insane. I couldn't believe the renewed spirit. I, myself, felt a sense of rejuvenation for just singing my heart out. Why...?

How I envy everyone in the Plaza.

After that, I slacked along with Nicholas, Glenn, Daniel, and Nadira. Nich actually helped to me catch Darkrai in Platinum. I was amazed.

Adam and Ryan had a short 'dance-off' to the tune of 'Nobody'. I lol'd.

Walked with Marcus, Liang Yi, Ben Cheng, Nich and Govind to the traffic lights, where we parted, and the former 3 and I took bus 30 to Vivo. In the bus, we were talking about bullshit all the way. Bullshit = 1 of the things that I can do, and feel happy at the same time.

We got off, bought tickets from a bloody long queued GV. And we missed the 123456789 extravaganza. If you missed it too, too bad. At that moment, and I quote, "We were standing in a cinema, arguing over a movie, popcorn, and drinks."

We went for lunch at Kopitiam, then went to the arcade. Short visit, nothing much. Then we watched 'Up'. It was touching, I guess. But I don't have a soft spot...so...

Up used Touching Moment.
It doesn't seem to affect Ian...

Uh-huh.

Marcus went off after this, leaving me and Cheng to go to Liang Yi's house. Enjoyed ourselves a bit, and felt a bit guilty when her parents invited us for dinner. At Pizza Hut. There, the three of us actually talked about how we were glad to be in such an awesome class. The rest, shouldn't be said.

I was saying quite a few things today...

How I admire Mr Koh's enthusiasm, and how I think he's a great VP.
How I think Mrs Foo is actually a good A-Maths teacher, but just not experienced enough to deal with the worse 3A you've ever seen.
How I liked the feeling of getting hyped for the first time in ages.

It's these little things in life that give it a purpose. So...is this a calling?

And...

Tonight was a good night indeed.
You guys are truly the light in my shadow.

[Connection Terminated]

Accessing File: 7_Days_/_The_Light_Through_The_Shadow.emf

Tonight's the night,
Let's live it up.
I got my money,
Let's spend it up.

--File Corrupted--

_

scriptcommand/searchquery=.mfv_

Commencing..._

Memory Files Preserved at... 11:15 PM

Sunday, August 2, 2009 '

Day 0208: 12_Days_/_Forgive_and_Forget

Accessing file: 12_Days_/_Forgive_and_Forget.mfv_

The countdown begins, huh?

Pastor really made an impact on me today, spiritually. His sermon during YF about forgiveness.... I felt really.... shaken by it. Have I really forgiven people? Or did I merely pass it off as something that didn't matter?

I guess... God's trying to talk to me...

While Pastor was talking, I could feel half of my mind looking back on the past. Those times, I miss. Why they disappeared; did it have something to do with forgiveness too, or the lack thereof? Did someone wrong me, or did I wrong someone...?

...I myself know the answer... But I could never bring myself out to say it. I'm really a sad case,...

I only have myself to blame.

I can't pin it on someone else; no one else has wronged me enough to push me to this stage. I realized that today.

I've been the one closing myself up. Why?

Did I not forgive someone?

God...speak to me...

Like you always have.

This time, though...

Make me listen to you.

[Connecting Terminated]

Accessing file: 12_Days_/_Forgive_and_Forget.emf

Let's paint the town.
We'll shut it down.
Let's burn the roof.
Then we'll do it again.

--File Corrupted--

_

scriptcommand/searchquery=.mfv_

Commencing..._

Memory Files Preserved at... 12:06 AM